Happiness is a Warm Gun

My Dearest Secret,

     I've been thinking about happiness lately, and what I think would make me happy, and honestly, I don't know the answer to that thought. I wish we could talk about it, I wish you could smile at me right now. I think I'm just looking for someone to make decisions for me, which is why you are so perfect for me, because you will always make me realize how strong I am, and that the decisions I make are the right ones, without ever allowing me to be weak by making those choices for me. Someday I know that all my patience has been worth it. Someday you will look at me the way I look at you.

Until then, I will be forever dazzled by the light of your life

- Your best friend.

//

hello my secret,

I seem to have fallen more inlove with you today than I have before. 


forever yours,

xo.

Saying Yes.

I try not to say no very often, especially if saying yes won't set me back in anyway, and the feeling you get when you do something small for someone is so peaceful. 

Today it hit me that something I consider to be a small gesture can be so big to someone that it makes their day. Like a smile or a wave to someone who let you cross the road, or saying good morning and thank you to a bus driver. 

I have a pretty good life, although it doesn't feel like it sometimes, and sharing my happiness with people just by simply saying yes just makes it that much better. I have the ability to yes yes 98 percent of the time that someone asks something of me, and 97 percent of the time I take the chance to do what I am asked. 

I wish there were more like us, that do these small things. I wish everyone could feel the good feelings that I feel. 

push forward

“Just know, when you truly want success, you’ll never give up on it. No matter how bad the situation may get.” - Unknown

“Accept responsibility for your life. Know that it is you who will get you where you want to go, no one else.” – Les Brown

“I don’t regret the things I’ve done, I regret the things I didn’t do when I had the chance.” –Unknown

“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” - Joshua J. Marine

“Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen; but its harder to give up when you know its everything you want.” – Unknown

“One of the most important keys to Success is having the discipline to do what you know you should do, even when you dont feel like doing it.” - Unknown

“Good things come to those who wait… greater things come to those who get off their ass and do anything to make it happen.” - Unknown

“Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace & gratitude.” - Denis Waitley

“In order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.” – Bill Cosby

“Go where you are celebrated – not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.” – Unknown

Dont be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone.. - Unknown

“The best revenge is massive success.” – Frank Sinatra

“Forget all the reasons it won’t work and believe the one reason that it will.” - Unknown

“I am thankful for all of those who said NO to me. Its because of them I’m doing it myself.” –Albert Einstein

“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle.” – Steve Jobs

“Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it.” – Unknown

“When you say “It’s hard”, it actually means “I’m not strong enough to fight for it”. Stop saying its hard. Think positive!” - Unknown

“Life is like photography. You need the negatives to develop.” - Unknown

“Don’t worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don’t even try.” – Jack Canfield

“The pain you feel today is the strength you feel tomorrow. For every challenge encountered there is opportunity for growth.” - Unknown

“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build theirs.” – Farrah Gray

“The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” – Joel Brown

“Self confidence is the most attractive quality a person can have. how can anyone see how awesome you are if you can’t see it yourself?” – Unknown

“We learn something from everyone who passes through our lives.. Some lessons are painful, some are painless.. but, all are priceless.” - Unknown

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. it means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” - Unknown

“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat, lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you don’t have a plan.” – Larry Winget

“Three things you cannot recover in life: the WORD after it’s said, the MOMENT after it’s missed and the TIME after it’s gone. Be Careful!” – Unknown

“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” – Carl Bard

“When the past calls, let it go to voicemail, believe me, it has nothing new to say.” - Unknown

“Rule #1 of life. Do what makes YOU happy.” - Unknown

“Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away from your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.” – Unknown

“Love what you have. Need what you want. Accept what you receive. Give what you can. Always remember, what goes around, comes around…” – Unknwon

“Just remember there is someone out there that is more than happy with less than what you have.” – Unknown

“The biggest failure you can have in life is making the mistake of never trying at all.” – Unknown

“Life has two rules: #1 Never quit #2 Always remember rule # 1.” - Unknown

“No one is going to hand me success. I must go out & get it myself. That’s why I’m here. To dominate. To conquer. Both the world, and myself.” - Unknown

Domestic Violence.

I just called the cops on my next door neighbours.


Although I'm nervous of the outcome, I think it was the best thing I have ever done. 

Domestic violence makes me very uncomfortable, as I'm sure it does to most people, and my heart breaks for women AND men who have to go through violence in their own home by someone who is supposed to love and protect them.

To top it all off, a dog was involved.
    I know that not everyone likes animals, but you don't kick a dog because you're mad at your spouse and the dog is obviously trying to protect one or the other. A misbehaved dog cannot take all the responsibility for how it acts, it is also the fault of the owners.


I never want to be in the position that I would have to deal with or be a part of domestic violence. I understand how hard it must be for someone in the position and have no idea what to do.


I really hope that my acts to help do not make it worse for anyone. That dog needs a better home and the couple needs serious help.

Float On

     How many times have we all felt that enough is enough, that trying is no longer an option and that you are giving up entirely on what is known as "life"? Honestly, I know I have felt that way many times and don't see those feelings ending anytime soon. Those feelings are hard to control. Sometimes they take you off guard, creep up on you and then *SLAP* "SURPRISE!"..... But there is something that we can do about the aftermath that comes along with these feelings.

    Have you ever looked to the sky when a young child has mistakenly let go of their balloon, and watch it float up and up until you can no long see it? Even though I know that somewhere a child is heartbroken and crying, I relish in the thought of where that balloon will end up and feel a sensation of relief and wonder so deep that I never want it to end.

     Fortunately for me, I have found a way to keep that feeling when I need it most, and that is when I feel like the bottomless pit that is negativity has trapped me and is holding on very tight. When things feel bad, I imagine that all of my negative feelings are being put into a balloon, much like helium. Most times the balloon grows bigger and bigger, always close to bursting but never does. When I get to the point of no return, I let the balloon go from my tight grasp. I watch it float away, and hold onto those amazing feelings of relief and wonder as I float, just for a second, with no negative feelings inside my heart.

Pleading Letter

Oh, My Secret...

     Do you not think that last night was a sign? I wish you could see how things could be for us if you just told me I was good enough. Do you smile at her, but think of me? Do you laugh at her voice but wish it were mine? And when, pray-tell, do you stop pretending and just let things be as they feel they were meant to?
     "Please, just stop.....".. or atleast that is what I wish I could say to you.. But I do not posses the power or strength to do so..
     As long as you smile, I suppose it is alright.

Yours, forever as it seems..

Whisper.

Another Letter

Oh, My Secret;

     Thank you for being there today. Then again, do you even know you were there? Did you know that my smile, my quiet laugh, was all for you? How many times will you look through me and make me feel invisible yet good at the same time?
   My dearest secret.. will we have a time? 

Yours,

Whisper.

My Secret

To my Dearest Secret,


     The desire to warm your heart is overwhelming, the hope to make you smile is strong. If only I could say many words to your deep eyes to make you hold my future in your hands. I am weak, I am not worthy, which is why you shall remain my secret.
     I will hold you in my palm, I will carry you in my pocket, I will keep you close to my heart and far from my lips, for all you deserve is miles away from my reach. Someday, I will be good enough, but that day will be too late, as you will only be a whisper in my shadow.
     So, my dearest secret, how shall we continue? Stolen glances, heart beats shared, omniscient and insecure as I am, I can't help but walk two steps behind you, to memories the smell of you, your smile, your laugh, preparing for the day that you will be just a mere faint memory for me. These easy times are difficult for me, as always, but I will fight through the tight squeeze that is placed around my heart, I will be there for as long as you see fit to keep me there, but I will always remain aware that I am not going to be the reason that you stay.
     And it is for that reason alone, that you are my secret. The deepest secret of my heart.

Yours,

Whisper.

Find Something That Keeps Your Heart Smiling

     Investing in a therapy pet was one of the biggest gambles that I had embarked on and had my rabbit of been a lottery ticket, I would have won big.

     I don't even know where to start when it comes to talking about the benefits that Thor has bequest on me. I did a lot of research before making the final decision, knowing that I had to make sure that I could handle her properly, no matter how much I wanted her. The best advice I could ever give someone would me to adopt or take on a rabbit if they are looking for some form of self-therapy.

     To make it simple, she puts a smile on my face, loves when I give her attention, gives me kisses and snuggles, as well as the never ending responsibility of looking after something that is more afraid of the world than I am. She is giving me the opportunity to treat her the way I want to treat people who deserve it, without the hurt that comes along with it (mind you, there are hurts such as her dying). Thor has helped me realize that I don't want to dote on one specific person because I am ready to settle down, but that I just need something or someone to rid the excess energy and affection I have because I have so much pent up inside me. This has happened, for reasons that only i can fathom, because in any relationship I have been in I have always been the one doing all the work with the other just cruising a long for the ride. My need to take care of and smother others comes from the fact that that is what I am used to, and it is taken the wrong way by others.

    Having Thor has also relieved a lot of stress that I have from the simple fact that she is excited to see me when I get home (only because she gets to be fed) and I can take her to the park and watch her run around and have so much fun.  A lot of the research that I did helps me understand her way of communication that has been figured out thus far by the bunny lovers of the world, which helps me stop doing things she dislikes and continue doing the things she loves. I honestly feel I have a pretty happy bunny and she makes me pretty happy too.

New Beginnings

 One day, I want to wake up overlooking the water, listening to the rush of waves, and smell the salt air..
But until then, I have to start new, learn to appreciate what has been given to me through culture and try and ignore all the darkness forced upon me.

Float on

Scary, crazy obnoxious-in-the-stomach feelings always come from mixed signals. Are you doing something wrong? are you doing something right? are they just nice? are you too naive? Honestly, these questions rarely get answered for me because I always just give up. 

Instead, this time, I'm just gonna go with the flow, and that's what I'm starting to feel is the right thing to do. Floating is harmless, haters are gonna try and pop your bubble but that shit can be indestructible. It's time for me to take control of my own happiness. I have a job that is fantastic, a place to sleep, the cutest bunny in teh world, I have plenty of reasons to be happy, and so I will be.

I think that at the end of the day, we take things the way we want to and no one can ultimately decide how your day ends except for you. Trust in yourself, before you trust in anyone else.

A Little Bit of Insight

 

All I'm searching for is something to believe in, something that makes all the black days mean nothing when a little bit of color shows itself. 

When the time comes to breath, I want to taste the sweet air. My lungs have long been filled with the bitter taste of dispare that I forget what life taste like.

I will not lose the memory of the beauty in the black and white, but I will not long for it either, as a world full of color is a world that one soon wont forget.

my photographs, my words.

find something that speaks to you.

"In Her Eyes"
-Josh Groban

She stares through my shadow
She sees something more
Believes there's a light in me
She is sure
And her truth makes me stronger
Does she realize
I awake every morning
With her strength by my side

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

This world keeps on spinning
Only she stills my heart
She's my inspiration
She's my northern star
I don't count my possession
All I call mine
I will give her completely
To the end of all time

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need
In her eyes time passes by and she is with me

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am
In her eyes I am

Second chances

   How many chances are too many? This is a line that I never know is there. There are so many grey areas that I don't even bother anymore. Unfortunately that allows people to walk all over me. I think, or I have started to learn, that what it comes down this wether or not you start to feel bad about yourself for how many chances you give someone.

   Just because they were a good friend to you once upon a time doesn't mean that they are always going to keep that role during the friendship. People are going to fail you, and you are going to fail others. It is not up to us to judge those who fail us, but to move onto better things and better relationships. I know everyone thinks that we will find friends that will last forever and it would be fine and dandy if we did but that would mean that we would have no growth as humans and who wants that? I personally think that people that walk through my life have a purpose and once they fulfill that purpose they move on to better things and better people.

   But what does that mean for chances? How many times can someone wrong you before you realize that your purpose in their life has been completed?

Stay true

   I never really understood what it meant to stay true to oneself until I took the time to leave everything behind and just think about ME for once. What I discovered was that staying true to yourself means to never do something you don’t want to do, don’t allow others to change your own opinion about yourself, and love yourself first.

   A lot of these concepts are hard to handle, and it took me a little while to grasp even a fine string of each, and it’s still a process to get a handle on it. But understanding the fundamentals of it is where it all starts, and there is only room for growth from there.

   There are so many benefits from being true to yourself, and to sit here and list and talk about them would take forever, but really they should be obvious and every day that you are on this journey of discovery you will find that there are more and more positive reasons to be true to yourself and less and less negative reasons.

   I know we can all be down on ourselves, some more than others, but when you learn to love yourself nothing can ever permanently put you in that hole that you already have yourself in. I’ve been there, and I’ve felt at my lowest, and honestly I never want to go back there.

   I stay true to myself by being honest to myself on places that I go, people I talk to, things I let bother me, and so on, and the more you try to put yourself first in your own life, the easier it becomes.