New Beginnings

 One day, I want to wake up overlooking the water, listening to the rush of waves, and smell the salt air..
But until then, I have to start new, learn to appreciate what has been given to me through culture and try and ignore all the darkness forced upon me.

Float on

Scary, crazy obnoxious-in-the-stomach feelings always come from mixed signals. Are you doing something wrong? are you doing something right? are they just nice? are you too naive? Honestly, these questions rarely get answered for me because I always just give up. 

Instead, this time, I'm just gonna go with the flow, and that's what I'm starting to feel is the right thing to do. Floating is harmless, haters are gonna try and pop your bubble but that shit can be indestructible. It's time for me to take control of my own happiness. I have a job that is fantastic, a place to sleep, the cutest bunny in teh world, I have plenty of reasons to be happy, and so I will be.

I think that at the end of the day, we take things the way we want to and no one can ultimately decide how your day ends except for you. Trust in yourself, before you trust in anyone else.

A Little Bit of Insight

 

All I'm searching for is something to believe in, something that makes all the black days mean nothing when a little bit of color shows itself. 

When the time comes to breath, I want to taste the sweet air. My lungs have long been filled with the bitter taste of dispare that I forget what life taste like.

I will not lose the memory of the beauty in the black and white, but I will not long for it either, as a world full of color is a world that one soon wont forget.

my photographs, my words.

find something that speaks to you.

"In Her Eyes"
-Josh Groban

She stares through my shadow
She sees something more
Believes there's a light in me
She is sure
And her truth makes me stronger
Does she realize
I awake every morning
With her strength by my side

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

This world keeps on spinning
Only she stills my heart
She's my inspiration
She's my northern star
I don't count my possession
All I call mine
I will give her completely
To the end of all time

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need
In her eyes time passes by and she is with me

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am
In her eyes I am

Second chances

   How many chances are too many? This is a line that I never know is there. There are so many grey areas that I don't even bother anymore. Unfortunately that allows people to walk all over me. I think, or I have started to learn, that what it comes down this wether or not you start to feel bad about yourself for how many chances you give someone.

   Just because they were a good friend to you once upon a time doesn't mean that they are always going to keep that role during the friendship. People are going to fail you, and you are going to fail others. It is not up to us to judge those who fail us, but to move onto better things and better relationships. I know everyone thinks that we will find friends that will last forever and it would be fine and dandy if we did but that would mean that we would have no growth as humans and who wants that? I personally think that people that walk through my life have a purpose and once they fulfill that purpose they move on to better things and better people.

   But what does that mean for chances? How many times can someone wrong you before you realize that your purpose in their life has been completed?

Stay true

   I never really understood what it meant to stay true to oneself until I took the time to leave everything behind and just think about ME for once. What I discovered was that staying true to yourself means to never do something you don’t want to do, don’t allow others to change your own opinion about yourself, and love yourself first.

   A lot of these concepts are hard to handle, and it took me a little while to grasp even a fine string of each, and it’s still a process to get a handle on it. But understanding the fundamentals of it is where it all starts, and there is only room for growth from there.

   There are so many benefits from being true to yourself, and to sit here and list and talk about them would take forever, but really they should be obvious and every day that you are on this journey of discovery you will find that there are more and more positive reasons to be true to yourself and less and less negative reasons.

   I know we can all be down on ourselves, some more than others, but when you learn to love yourself nothing can ever permanently put you in that hole that you already have yourself in. I’ve been there, and I’ve felt at my lowest, and honestly I never want to go back there.

   I stay true to myself by being honest to myself on places that I go, people I talk to, things I let bother me, and so on, and the more you try to put yourself first in your own life, the easier it becomes.

Try Living for a Change

Decisions.. Why do they have to be so hard? I guess it's because we make them that way. I know i certainly do. When I make a decision, too much thought goes into it. So today, I decided to just DO something with my life to take me one step closer to who I am supposed to be

Step one: look for an apartment
Step two: contact various people about rooms for rent
Step three: create a serious resume
Step four: apply for jobs
Step five: wait

Here is where the hard part comes in, and time to test if I have really learned some things and have changed. I'm a huge stressor; money, weather, school, doing my hair, you name it. Everything causes me stress. Something I had to learn over the past while that I've been neglecting any sort of contact with the outside world was to let go of all that worry and let things just fall into place. This unfortunately involved some decision making but hey, you win some and you lose some.

Right now, I feel at ease and I feel secure. I know I have a place to go if I don't hear back from a job right away, I know that there are tons of people out there looking for someone to rent a room if the one I'm currently looking at does not work out, and I think that that is the key to not stressing: knowing that one decision does not cause the impending doom that is the end of the world.