Another Letter

Oh, My Secret;

     Thank you for being there today. Then again, do you even know you were there? Did you know that my smile, my quiet laugh, was all for you? How many times will you look through me and make me feel invisible yet good at the same time?
   My dearest secret.. will we have a time? 

Yours,

Whisper.

My Secret

To my Dearest Secret,


     The desire to warm your heart is overwhelming, the hope to make you smile is strong. If only I could say many words to your deep eyes to make you hold my future in your hands. I am weak, I am not worthy, which is why you shall remain my secret.
     I will hold you in my palm, I will carry you in my pocket, I will keep you close to my heart and far from my lips, for all you deserve is miles away from my reach. Someday, I will be good enough, but that day will be too late, as you will only be a whisper in my shadow.
     So, my dearest secret, how shall we continue? Stolen glances, heart beats shared, omniscient and insecure as I am, I can't help but walk two steps behind you, to memories the smell of you, your smile, your laugh, preparing for the day that you will be just a mere faint memory for me. These easy times are difficult for me, as always, but I will fight through the tight squeeze that is placed around my heart, I will be there for as long as you see fit to keep me there, but I will always remain aware that I am not going to be the reason that you stay.
     And it is for that reason alone, that you are my secret. The deepest secret of my heart.

Yours,

Whisper.

Find Something That Keeps Your Heart Smiling

     Investing in a therapy pet was one of the biggest gambles that I had embarked on and had my rabbit of been a lottery ticket, I would have won big.

     I don't even know where to start when it comes to talking about the benefits that Thor has bequest on me. I did a lot of research before making the final decision, knowing that I had to make sure that I could handle her properly, no matter how much I wanted her. The best advice I could ever give someone would me to adopt or take on a rabbit if they are looking for some form of self-therapy.

     To make it simple, she puts a smile on my face, loves when I give her attention, gives me kisses and snuggles, as well as the never ending responsibility of looking after something that is more afraid of the world than I am. She is giving me the opportunity to treat her the way I want to treat people who deserve it, without the hurt that comes along with it (mind you, there are hurts such as her dying). Thor has helped me realize that I don't want to dote on one specific person because I am ready to settle down, but that I just need something or someone to rid the excess energy and affection I have because I have so much pent up inside me. This has happened, for reasons that only i can fathom, because in any relationship I have been in I have always been the one doing all the work with the other just cruising a long for the ride. My need to take care of and smother others comes from the fact that that is what I am used to, and it is taken the wrong way by others.

    Having Thor has also relieved a lot of stress that I have from the simple fact that she is excited to see me when I get home (only because she gets to be fed) and I can take her to the park and watch her run around and have so much fun.  A lot of the research that I did helps me understand her way of communication that has been figured out thus far by the bunny lovers of the world, which helps me stop doing things she dislikes and continue doing the things she loves. I honestly feel I have a pretty happy bunny and she makes me pretty happy too.

New Beginnings

 One day, I want to wake up overlooking the water, listening to the rush of waves, and smell the salt air..
But until then, I have to start new, learn to appreciate what has been given to me through culture and try and ignore all the darkness forced upon me.

Float on

Scary, crazy obnoxious-in-the-stomach feelings always come from mixed signals. Are you doing something wrong? are you doing something right? are they just nice? are you too naive? Honestly, these questions rarely get answered for me because I always just give up. 

Instead, this time, I'm just gonna go with the flow, and that's what I'm starting to feel is the right thing to do. Floating is harmless, haters are gonna try and pop your bubble but that shit can be indestructible. It's time for me to take control of my own happiness. I have a job that is fantastic, a place to sleep, the cutest bunny in teh world, I have plenty of reasons to be happy, and so I will be.

I think that at the end of the day, we take things the way we want to and no one can ultimately decide how your day ends except for you. Trust in yourself, before you trust in anyone else.

A Little Bit of Insight

 

All I'm searching for is something to believe in, something that makes all the black days mean nothing when a little bit of color shows itself. 

When the time comes to breath, I want to taste the sweet air. My lungs have long been filled with the bitter taste of dispare that I forget what life taste like.

I will not lose the memory of the beauty in the black and white, but I will not long for it either, as a world full of color is a world that one soon wont forget.

my photographs, my words.

find something that speaks to you.

"In Her Eyes"
-Josh Groban

She stares through my shadow
She sees something more
Believes there's a light in me
She is sure
And her truth makes me stronger
Does she realize
I awake every morning
With her strength by my side

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

This world keeps on spinning
Only she stills my heart
She's my inspiration
She's my northern star
I don't count my possession
All I call mine
I will give her completely
To the end of all time

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am

In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need
In her eyes time passes by and she is with me

I am not a hero
I am not an angel
I am just a man
Man who's trying to love her
Unlike any other
In her eyes I am
In her eyes I am